hello
today marks 4 years.
the last time we celebrated this was well, actually, never. haha.
so it's just as well that you called this morning and neither of us said a thing.
but i remembered just now and smiled to myself.
because after 4 years
after everything and everything and Everything,
i still rly rly like you
a lot.
more than i rly say to anyone, maybe even you.
thank you for being a part of my life. i am so much happier because of it.
hehe -grin-
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
pinch me.
Last week, on Idol Gives Back (ok don't judge me for watching American Idol. It's a way cool show. Haha), the idols closed the 3-hour long show with a finale (complete with pyrotechniques and everything) singing Shout to the Lord.
Here is the video.
It was a very, very strange and surreal moment for me. I have been singing Shout to the Lord in church ever since I don't know when. And to hear that being sung by a bunch of American Idols, on American Idol was just weird. In a good way. The interesting thing about it was
1) they chose it as the finale song
2) they did not change the arrangement of the song (same standard stuff people do in church, verse, chorus, verse chorus chorus last line x3)
3) they did not jazz it up the way they did "this little light of mine" in some of the earlier episodes
4) shout to the lord is a distinctively worship song written by Darlene Zscheche for HIllsongs Australia and is sung in churches as a song of worship. It is quite different from "Jesus take the Wheel" or "You Lift me Up"
And to add to that, they even sang it again on the results show the next day (back by popular demand). Isn't that just odd? What does Shout to the Lord have to do with raising money for AIDS infected Africans? I don't know. What does Shout to the Lord have to do with Anything on American Idol? I don't know! In any case, I suppose it's a very good thing. I for one, found the performance very -edifying-.
The things that puzzled me was how did Simon Fuller get the non-Christian idols to sing something that was so personally and clearly Christian? Some part of the lyrics go "Shout to the Lord all the earth, let us sing, power and majesty praise to the King, mountains bow down and the hills will roar at the sound of your name... I sing for joy at the work of your hand, forever I love you forever I stand..."
"Forever I love you"? So declaratory! How do you get someone who's not in the faith to sing something like that? A good thing still to me, I guess.
Either Simon Fuller just had a full-fledged Jesus encounter, or I really don't know what any more. Haha. But all is good for me!
Here is the video.
It was a very, very strange and surreal moment for me. I have been singing Shout to the Lord in church ever since I don't know when. And to hear that being sung by a bunch of American Idols, on American Idol was just weird. In a good way. The interesting thing about it was
1) they chose it as the finale song
2) they did not change the arrangement of the song (same standard stuff people do in church, verse, chorus, verse chorus chorus last line x3)
3) they did not jazz it up the way they did "this little light of mine" in some of the earlier episodes
4) shout to the lord is a distinctively worship song written by Darlene Zscheche for HIllsongs Australia and is sung in churches as a song of worship. It is quite different from "Jesus take the Wheel" or "You Lift me Up"
And to add to that, they even sang it again on the results show the next day (back by popular demand). Isn't that just odd? What does Shout to the Lord have to do with raising money for AIDS infected Africans? I don't know. What does Shout to the Lord have to do with Anything on American Idol? I don't know! In any case, I suppose it's a very good thing. I for one, found the performance very -edifying-.
The things that puzzled me was how did Simon Fuller get the non-Christian idols to sing something that was so personally and clearly Christian? Some part of the lyrics go "Shout to the Lord all the earth, let us sing, power and majesty praise to the King, mountains bow down and the hills will roar at the sound of your name... I sing for joy at the work of your hand, forever I love you forever I stand..."
"Forever I love you"? So declaratory! How do you get someone who's not in the faith to sing something like that? A good thing still to me, I guess.
Either Simon Fuller just had a full-fledged Jesus encounter, or I really don't know what any more. Haha. But all is good for me!
Friday, April 11, 2008
flat.
Was just reading back some of my posts in Feburary - pre Sheng's departure. As I read them I felt strangely detached from all those words rolling along on the screen. I don't know why, but I could not recapture any of the fear, worry, anxiety and uncertainty that seemed to consume me at that time. And guess what, it was only about 1 month or 2 ago.
Now that all I had anticipated has finally happened, it's like all the build up just fell flat. Not even a swooshing drop from a height but just .
Flat like that. I can't even describe it as an anti-climatic cos the build up of anticipation never got to a climax anyway. I suppose a lot of the melodramatic thinking that you occupy yourself with is really quite pointless and unfounded because none of what I expected to happened turned out in reality. I'm still pretty normal, sane, I have not really had a major catharsis save for a few cries, no sinking depression or sense of absolute despairing loss. There were the moments of course but none so prominent and intense that I can actually remember and want to give expression to now.
And it disturbs me that I cannot identify with my own writing. It's either 1) I'm not writing what I really think (I really hope not) or 2) I forget bad emotions easily. It could very well be 2). I realized that about myself - how I don't really remember pain, or worry, or anxiety, or sadness. I have no idea why. When I think back on bad experiences in my life, it is difficult to talk about it because it appears like an opaque blotch in my memory. I can make out its shape and I can see it there - I know what it is. But I cannot describe it beyond that because it is a blotch and it is opaque and I can't see details or make out its distinct shape.
Why is it like that with me? I wonder if I'm the only one and everyone else acutely remembers pain and suffering. because strangely, I don't. And it's quite bad because times of pain and suffering are probably times when I've learnt most. Instead I remember inane happy things like, bicycle rides in the botanics. And my memory is marked by colours like what dress I wore on that occassion and how the ice cream tasted on the other.
...
Now that all I had anticipated has finally happened, it's like all the build up just fell flat. Not even a swooshing drop from a height but just .
Flat like that. I can't even describe it as an anti-climatic cos the build up of anticipation never got to a climax anyway. I suppose a lot of the melodramatic thinking that you occupy yourself with is really quite pointless and unfounded because none of what I expected to happened turned out in reality. I'm still pretty normal, sane, I have not really had a major catharsis save for a few cries, no sinking depression or sense of absolute despairing loss. There were the moments of course but none so prominent and intense that I can actually remember and want to give expression to now.
And it disturbs me that I cannot identify with my own writing. It's either 1) I'm not writing what I really think (I really hope not) or 2) I forget bad emotions easily. It could very well be 2). I realized that about myself - how I don't really remember pain, or worry, or anxiety, or sadness. I have no idea why. When I think back on bad experiences in my life, it is difficult to talk about it because it appears like an opaque blotch in my memory. I can make out its shape and I can see it there - I know what it is. But I cannot describe it beyond that because it is a blotch and it is opaque and I can't see details or make out its distinct shape.
Why is it like that with me? I wonder if I'm the only one and everyone else acutely remembers pain and suffering. because strangely, I don't. And it's quite bad because times of pain and suffering are probably times when I've learnt most. Instead I remember inane happy things like, bicycle rides in the botanics. And my memory is marked by colours like what dress I wore on that occassion and how the ice cream tasted on the other.
...
Saturday, April 5, 2008
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