Death in a day

After much meditation and thought, I've decided that one cannot grasp the concept of death in a day.

This is ironic since the event of death happens in all but a day. In fact, it happenes in a matter of seconds, minutes, however long it takes. But yet it is wholly impossible to grasp the concept of death in a day. The idea that a loved one is gone, and not just gone to the supermarket for groceries or gone to Japan on business or gone to the UK for 3 yrs to study but really, permanently gone, unalive, dead... it's never happened to me but thinking about it makes my head swirl. Because how do you come to terms with death when the impact takes so much time to take effect? Maybe you have to wait 3 yrs to discover that your sister really hasn't gone to London to study but she's gone for good, never coming back.

And another thing, how do people respond to death? Or how Should they respond? I don't know. The movies provide us with a convenient list of ways in which you can respond. You can either go into a catharsis, or you can be silent and go into denial or you can be in shock etc. But it doesn't seem to be as well-defined as that. I think the movies just screws everyone over. It makes us expect certain things of life which are never going to materialize. And when they don't then we get confused and ask why that didn't happen the way we expected, the way the movies made us expect.

The idea of losing a loved one seems so distant until it hits 1m away from home. Then you realize that's not something that happens to your 2nd cousin's husband's uncle. It happens to your friends too, and possibly you. Then it doesn't become a joke anymore, it becomes painful. And I cannot help but occupy myself day and night with how my friend might feel and what he might think and what I think he might think and feel. In fact I dont think I can stop trying to put myself in his shoes until I've satisfied myself, knowing that I can now at least feel an iota of what he might be feeling, whatever it is he might feel, may not be grief even.

So that's that.

Here's a tribute to you dan, and your dad and your family: for your bravery.