damn why i don't have

Andrea took this picture LIVE while walking around somewhere in Perth! Phwoaaa! I didn't know these things really happened in real life! Can you imagine the time and monetary expenses that must've gone into planning this! I mean making sure Mel is actually There when the damn thing flies past is the least of your concerns. You have to make sure the words are made out of immensely thick and hardy material (so they don't tear up in the air), and that there's a proper dead weight attached to it so it doesn't fly in every other direction (but where? If you put it at the bottom the whole string of words will just flop down, no? Cos it's quite long right.), and then you have to make sure the words all come out in one nice long line and don't like fumble about each other in the air. Then you of course have to rent a plane or whatever. So many things. Wha mann. This Mel woman really living the life. haha. Cool beans.

On Death

Sudden deaths are the worst. Or so I think. I've never walked through one personally before so I wouldn't know and I wouldn't dare stick my feet in and say I do and undermine the true experience of those who have. But recently, a lot of people have been dropping dead. Suddenly. Especially while they're running. So I've been forced to think of the consequences of a sudden death. I say consequences and not implications because death really does give you no choice but to deal with it and its consequences.

I think sudden deaths are the worst. Like for the spouse/girlfriend/lover, what do you make of it? One minute you're talking to the person, the minute, there's nothing left of the person to even grasp hold of. And as a wife/girlfriend/lover, I suppose you just don't know how to let go of the love right? Because you didn't stop loving. The person you love just ceases to exist. So the rope is just cut like that. Snip, gone.

I think that's the worst position to be in, one of romantic love with a person who has expired. Because the place that person had in your heart can actually be filled by another. Romantic love is possible of replacement. It's different from sibling love or child-parent love or any of those other relational dynamics. You can't replace a brother or a sister or a father. There can be close substitutes and surrogates but you can't and you aren't supposed to replace it. In romantic love, you can replace the person with another and the love with a new one. Of course some people would proffer that this is impossible in their personal situation (that they can't and will never replace the love of their lives or whatever) but generally, most people can find it within themselves to do it. In fact, it'd probably be a good idea to move on, especially if you are a girlfriend or boyfriend to the deceased.

So that's the worst position to be in because you don't know if you're doing the person an injustice by moving on. Your love didn't die, the object of that love did. So what do you do about that? Do you continue loving a non-entity forever? Do you keep being in love with the memory of your past love? Do you move on and count it all joy? You can leave the love and move on but you're technically not leaving anything because the other person left first. But that leave was forced upon both of you. He didn't leave voluntarily, death took him. So it's your fault by default that you moved on and left the -relationship- since you're the one who actually took active, conscious steps in that direction. You're the only person there is to blame. Yet you cannot be blamed because who can blame decisions like that! How do you deal with such complex issues? !

Perhaps when really dealing with a death, your heart speaks more than your mind does so you probably won't be processing all these iffy questions. But that's why I'm doing it now for myself. In case it happens to me too. Then I can read this and answer my own questions. But God forbid.

Play that funky music till you...

Hi!

I would like to write one thought about music and its all encompassing effect on us humans. I was watching MTV and listening to this you know, rather -emo-, punk rock, emotive, expressive genre of song whatever and I was reminded of why people love music so much. It puts you in Such a zone that things that don't seem to matter suddenly do.

For e.g., most songs carry rather ambiguous phrases and words that could mean Anything to Anyone. Quoting a line from the much famed emo funky nemo song of the Century, "Show me a garden that is bursting into life." Now, as you listen to this line, coupled with the heart wrenching music of about 3 chords playing over and over again in the background, you might think, oh! a garden bursting into life. That's a pretty picture. Or, oh! a garden bursting into life, I want to flourish like that picture of beauty too but what a pity, my life is so sad. Or oh! a garden bursting into life, it's too bad the world is a junkyard. Things like that. So you might get so enamoured by the poetic beauty of this song and the words that accompany it, that your entire outlook on the rest of life is, subliminally tainted by this picture. You see a lot of things through this lens of sadness, and melancholy. Oh how tragic.

As you go about the day with your white ipod-ish earphones stuffed in your ear, through the ear wax, you listen to your songs, and you go about thinking, oh the world is so sad. Oh my life is so sad. Oh sometimes I just wanna lie with me and just forget the world. And then a tear forms at the corner of your eye and you think, wait a minute, big girls don't cry. And you're just immersed in this bubble of marginal sadness that isn't even yours! You Find things to identify with in the song even though your life might have absolutely nothing to do with it! It's like an excuse to feel sad and mopey all the time. Omg the power music has over us!

Then people think I'm a religious geek cos I only listen to Christian songs. Blah. That's cos I recognize and understand the moving power of music and I am no alien to it. If music is going to have the power to affect as much as it does, it might as well affect me in a way that counts for something more than my own sadness and melancholy. Enforcing your own mild spates of depression for too long is just too vindictive for my liking! muahaha.

I really hope I made sense. My writing has turned out to be crappier than I envisioned. But oh well. That's why I don't listen to music (it's not good for your health). Hahaha.

omg im still in school and there is a grand total of 12 china prcs in the study room. and they make up the entire school population for now.

this is has got to be one of the most depressing days of my life. what a tragedy. sigh. country road take me home. thanks.

No one

you're the keeper of secrets
the bearer of burdens
the sharer of hearts

the giver
never the receiver
the supposed light unto their paths and lamp unto their feet
the lighthouse in their familial darkness

you're a beacon of hope
a role model, thinker, leader, pioneer
you're everything they're not and hope to aspire to

but who is that 'you' for you?
no one.

BOO

I have to go to school today.

Shout out to andrea

Since I'm already uploading photos I better do them all now before the photo-uploading spell wears off its magic.

The ugly soft toy in the foreground is a STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE DOLL which fart decided to so appropriately get for Andrea as a going away gift. ??


With the girl


All PL girls unite! omg I haven't seen so many pl girls together in the same place since like, we collected our O level results.


So here's a shout out to Andrea Schmandrea. HI! love you peabrain.

Carousel

Andrea and my profile picture series. Wearesocool.


Oh Andrea wanted me to point out that all our photo-taking efforts were directed at catching a shot of this tres cute dude sitting behind us.






See he's sitting behind in the shadows.


He was eating a buffet all alone?! WEIRD.


But nvm. Still hot. Can take picture.








But 1000 photos later and he finally decided to look UP from his food so we could snap a sliver of his good looks. tragedy.


Cam Whores


It took many failed attempts to get to this picture. But I shall be kind and not reveal them to the public eye.




Ly is being very animated. A rarity.


If you notice in the foreground, there is this cutlery rack. Every time they clear your plate, they also replace whatever cutlery you've used. So wasted right? I don't mind using the same one over and over again..










Omg the dude who helped us take these two pictures was so mega Philipino and GAY. He was like "OH! Pictuurre for 3 beautipool gurrls? SUREE. Togethar now.. 3, 2, 1! Aha! Like da pawar puff gurrls. *wide smile*" And then as he walks away he's like "Stay bee-yoo-tiful!" *snap fingers in air*. zommmg. HAHA.




Final toilet picture! ah! beeyootiful! *bend. and snap!*

Stuck in a glass case

When you're confined by the constraints of your situation
It really does put you in quite a conundrum
The struggle that is yours daily
No one else bears or understands
Cos they've got it all easy

Some things people will just never know
Never ever ever know
Cos you're just too damn good at fronts and facades

Why don't you let people see the real you?
No one knows you weak. No one knows you vulnerable.

perhaps they wouldn't be able to handle it
when you break down and cry deliver me
no one would know how to reach out a hand and save
or prop you up when your bones break
so what's the use of being weak?
when all people think of is how to survive their own tough week.

humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put humpty together again

- was it cos he was a fragile egg
or was it cos the king's horses and men just sucked at using tape?

Columbine and S. Korea

Shootings and killings
They seem to be all the rage
Are you a Christian?
They'll ask you to your face

Go on a rampage
Take you hostage
Shoot you for your faith

In the last days will Christians be persecuted
That's what the bible tells us

What if they marched into my country
And barged into my church
Or maybe permeated my school
And asked me if I was a fool
To believe in this they call the Christ
The one who came and died

Would I be too scared
To say yes I dared?

Would I be brave
And die for my faith?

Would I be like Peter
And deny my Saviour?

I'd like to think I wouldn't
But I think I shan't think
or hope
or wish
or pray
I think I just will
because that's what Jesus would've done anyway.

"My life is not my own
Naked I come and Naked I go
The Lord gives and takes away
Blessed be the Name of the Lord"

RJ HAS A 7 ELEVEN

YES. OMG. RJ actually has a 7 eleven of it's own! What THE ****! What kind of spoilt elitist treatment is this? Do all JCs have 7 elevens? Or subways? Or flower pot holders with the school letters molded in steel?!

Pictures to prove!


Cards in case you feel kind and want to show some love, or forgot it was your friend's birthday, or that it was mother's day, or racial harmony day, or whatever else.


Umbrellas! Always important for rainy days! So no worries if you forgot to bring your trusty umbrella. Cos 7 eleven is a store, AND more.


See all those refrigerator doors? They're stacked full with drinks of every shape and kind.


All the chocolates of the world! I know I'm overdoing the pictures of 7 eleven but, seriously!


An entire ceiling to floor length shelf of chips! wth!


And Cup Noodles! Omg life is unfair. When I was in RJ we couldn't even use the grass on the field. They told us it had to be given time to grow. Not that I complained cos that meant less PE. but still.


The huge building behind us is like one tenth of RI. I mean. Are schools these days even supposed to be that big? This is just absurdity.


Besides the wonder of 7 eleven, the yong tau foo in school is still as good. And the aunty with her twitching eye. *twitch twitch* 50 cent please. hahahha.