Dichotomy

Last Friday, I attended my first ever Christian related event in law school. It was the Thio Li-Ann talk on minding the gap in the public square or something like that, organized by VCF. I have never attended any one of their prayer meetings, cell groups, gatherings, talks, workshops etc whatever.

When I entered the room, I was very surprised to see so many people there. I didn't know there were so many Christians in law school who would actually bother to come for these things. And it's so interesting cos once I saw them in a Christian setting, some how my impressions of everyone changed. People seem so different in Christian settings compared to secular settings like school. Suddenly everyone takes on this persona of joy gladness and unity - being glad to be unified in the Body of Christ. And everything they appear to be in school and in front of everyone else (all the personality traits, the loudness, the things that each individual is known for in school) takes a back seat to this immediate need to gel with the oneness that is the people of God. It's like there's a sudden unveiling of this uncanny commonality that you never knew existed.

Then the worship started and there was the preliminary strumming of the guitar. And guitar strumming and music immediately strike a chord in my heart and mind that relates me back to church. And then I realized how far away church seemed to me at that point, sitting there in the same seminar room where I had my moots. It was like this very weird and distant melding of church life and school life. Rather, my church self and my school self. And as I looked at everyone around, I started seeing their church selves and it seemed so weird because I'm not supposed to be seeing their church selves in school!

And I realized how much I compartmentalize my life. Church is church. And school is school. I am quite a different person in church than I am in school. Not that I suddenly adopt a different value system in school than I do in church. But in church, I am much more aware of politics, of being careful with what you say, of being sensible and politically correct (PC) like Josh, of being kind, loving, understanding, caring, empathizing. Church is paradoxically my minefield and my comfort at the same time.

But in school, I am generally what I would be without the influence of God in my life. Though when situations call for me to stand up or live by my system of values, I will. I don't think I am hypocritical. Because the essence of my true self is still present in both settings. I think I just fit into different skins. Yet it is amazing how vastly different I am in each setting.

I have yet to figure out how much of it is a good thing and how much of it is a bad thing.