every man is an island

Today Reuben and I discovered how unnervingly similar we are in our approach towards friendships. We both don't place too much of an unnecessary premium on them.

Over the years, I've come to realize that I don't divulge much of my problems to my friends. What I do tell them is usually something that I have already resolved and even if I do say anything about on-going problems, it's not in a lamenting sort of way. I just say it more matter-of-factly so as not to invite any unwanted words of advice. It's not that I think lowly of my friends or anything. I just don't see the point in telling everyone everything when all they can tell you is some rubbish advice from their own personal experience. I'd rather someone point me to God. But so far, no one really does that. So I just don't say anything. And I usually self-deal.

Because of my recalcitrance, I think I have developed a more detached than normal attitude towards friendships. I love all my friends, I really do and I value and treasure all my friendships. I'm just not the sort that needs like nights on end to -emo- to my friends or to cry in front of them and seek their support. In fact, I don't think any one of my friends has ever seen me cry, save for one or two. Like the only time I shed a tear in sec school was when I thought Nu was going to die after eating 60 panadol pills at one go and being found foaming at the mouth on the road. Hur. I suppose when you share problems and expose weaknesses and vulnerabilities you grow this sort of dependence and reliance on people, both of which I have failed to develop. As a result, I don't rely, I don't depend, in fact, if times call for the worst of it, I do believe I can function without friends.

I think many people think that's a horrible thing and it's being terribly self-indulgent to think I am so damn self-sufficient and don't need anyone to survive. But that's not true. Because I need God to survive. And my family. Two things, both of which I already have and will always have.

So I think this awful detachment will serve me a lot of good in the future. Because the world is a lonely place. And everyone will fail you at some point or the other. So all you have at the end of the day is yourself, God and your family. And when things start getting lonely, I will be the only one left standing. muahahaha. (ok kidding)

Some parting words: Trust no one! Hahaha