Today is February the 29th. And therefore, I just HAVE to write something.
Hmm. Let me see. I don't really have anything to say except that, I watched Leap Years today! Woo hoo! On the leap year date! That has got to be the coolest thing I've done since 2008.
*yay*
The show was quite nice and pleasant and decent, considering it was a local production with 3/4non-local cast. I was just annoyed by the fact that they used different actors to portray the young and old Li-Ann and the young and old Jeremy. Like why coudln't they have just aged Wong Li Lin and goatie boy?
Oh and the other thing I had trouble with was reconciling the fact that they met 3 times in 12 years and decided they loved each other and got married. And also the fact that they had sex the second time they met and after that he told her he has a daughter. (!!) After which she went home and sobbed uncontrollably about her wrecked life (oh no, am I spoiling the show for anyone? hope not. haha). The most difficult part to understand for me was how the characters didn't seem to change after every 4 years. I mean sure, people got divorced and married and had kids but, what about your person? I regret not seeing the characters mature and grow over the years. It just seemed like a static linear progression of time and every February 29th was just another -special- day.
Anyways, this is the end of my post.
Goodnight!
Friday, February 29, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
whee!
Last Friday, Sheng called me to tell me that a huge wave crashed down on him at the beach and he consequently lost his glasses to the seas. He then proceeded to tell me that the wave took him completely under and it also pulled down his shorts. (haha!!). So instinctively, he hung on to his shorts and didn't mind his glasses. So.. he lost $500 on his glasses but kept his negligible cost shorts. (...)
On hindsight, if I were a man, I would rather lose my dignity for a few seconds than lose $500 and a pair of really new and good specs. But it's interesting how human instinct works. It forces you to protect your dignity. My father says that when things like that happen, your instinct tells you what's important without you having to even articulate or think about it. I suppose that is true. But I would still rather keep my specs and lose my shorts. Haha.
But that's not the point of me typing all this!
The optical shop in Sg has gone to great lengths to find the same frame. And those undying efforts took them all the way to... Hong Kong! So they've found the exact same frame in Hong Kong. Why on earth it is so difficult to find a replica of a simple spectacles frame is beyond me. But in any case, I just am happy they found it. Thank God! So now I just have to wait for the Hong Kong people to ship it over and for the optical shop to make the lens and fit it to the frame and then I can ship it to Sydney! What efforts just for a pair of spectacles, really, a reasonably prudent man would not believe it!
When my dad and I told my mom over dinner today that...
"Hey mom. They found Sheng's specs in Hong Kong"
Mom: "Huh! You mean the specs was washed all the way to HOng Kong? How did they know who it belonged to?"
uh...
On hindsight, if I were a man, I would rather lose my dignity for a few seconds than lose $500 and a pair of really new and good specs. But it's interesting how human instinct works. It forces you to protect your dignity. My father says that when things like that happen, your instinct tells you what's important without you having to even articulate or think about it. I suppose that is true. But I would still rather keep my specs and lose my shorts. Haha.
But that's not the point of me typing all this!
The optical shop in Sg has gone to great lengths to find the same frame. And those undying efforts took them all the way to... Hong Kong! So they've found the exact same frame in Hong Kong. Why on earth it is so difficult to find a replica of a simple spectacles frame is beyond me. But in any case, I just am happy they found it. Thank God! So now I just have to wait for the Hong Kong people to ship it over and for the optical shop to make the lens and fit it to the frame and then I can ship it to Sydney! What efforts just for a pair of spectacles, really, a reasonably prudent man would not believe it!
When my dad and I told my mom over dinner today that...
"Hey mom. They found Sheng's specs in Hong Kong"
Mom: "Huh! You mean the specs was washed all the way to HOng Kong? How did they know who it belonged to?"
uh...
swoosh!
Photos from my mad hectic week that was uh.. 2 weeks ago. haha. 2 weeks later, and still no change in the mad hectic part.
Samy's Curry, which I promised Val when she comes back.
And after that, Andrea's 21st! We were supposed to come in florals but clearly, the birthday girl didn't even bother adhering to her own rules.
Poor Fart had to dig up some cow girl-esque floral top. Sigh.
Happy Birthday Andrea! Cupcakes from Cupcake Momma (?) who really is quite the momma. She must be licking a tad too much of that gorgeous icing. Unfortunately, that's the only gorgeous thing about the cupcakes. The cake part of it was uh... dry as the gobi.
Fart couldn't keep her hands away from her catering. She was spotted dutifully arranging napkins, laying out cups, mixing sauces and of course... stirring the drinks!
Birthday girl and the birthday cake that she did not really want. Haha.
1st half of the PL girls.
The second half of the mama gang.
Trying to work the cupcake momma!
hehehe.
Viewing the scrap book mama gang put together for her.
(:
Group shot!
There! It's a gathering of the PL-lites. Only when Andrea is around is this ever possible. You are the string that ties us all together, drea. hahaha
Happy (belated) Birthday girl! I know you're having a far more splendid time in Perth. with kai and your new house. haha.
Samy's Curry, which I promised Val when she comes back.
And after that, Andrea's 21st! We were supposed to come in florals but clearly, the birthday girl didn't even bother adhering to her own rules.
Poor Fart had to dig up some cow girl-esque floral top. Sigh.
Happy Birthday Andrea! Cupcakes from Cupcake Momma (?) who really is quite the momma. She must be licking a tad too much of that gorgeous icing. Unfortunately, that's the only gorgeous thing about the cupcakes. The cake part of it was uh... dry as the gobi.
Fart couldn't keep her hands away from her catering. She was spotted dutifully arranging napkins, laying out cups, mixing sauces and of course... stirring the drinks!
Birthday girl and the birthday cake that she did not really want. Haha.
1st half of the PL girls.
The second half of the mama gang.
Trying to work the cupcake momma!
hehehe.
Viewing the scrap book mama gang put together for her.
(:
Group shot!
There! It's a gathering of the PL-lites. Only when Andrea is around is this ever possible. You are the string that ties us all together, drea. hahaha
Happy (belated) Birthday girl! I know you're having a far more splendid time in Perth. with kai and your new house. haha.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
beautiful
There is something very beautiful about humility.
There is also something very beautiful about eager curiosity.
An ever-learning and growing person is always undoubtedly attractive.
There is also something quite enchanting about child-like fascination manifested in a full-grown person.
These are all just simple things that we were once possessively filled with as children. But we lost all this charm and beauty along the way. We lost the ability to charge forward like we were right all the time and yet to blink in silent, unworded innocence when we were sharply pointed to be in the wrong.
Now we aggressively defend ourselves with way too many words and take intrepid steps forward like we're waiting to be told we're wrong. We are no longer brazen and of good courage. We are afraid and whatever courage we have in us is falsely manufactured for appearances' sake. We no longer seek to discover and play the treasure hunt. We want to know only because we have to.
We are not real and beautiful anymore and how sad that is.
There is also something very beautiful about eager curiosity.
An ever-learning and growing person is always undoubtedly attractive.
There is also something quite enchanting about child-like fascination manifested in a full-grown person.
These are all just simple things that we were once possessively filled with as children. But we lost all this charm and beauty along the way. We lost the ability to charge forward like we were right all the time and yet to blink in silent, unworded innocence when we were sharply pointed to be in the wrong.
Now we aggressively defend ourselves with way too many words and take intrepid steps forward like we're waiting to be told we're wrong. We are no longer brazen and of good courage. We are afraid and whatever courage we have in us is falsely manufactured for appearances' sake. We no longer seek to discover and play the treasure hunt. We want to know only because we have to.
We are not real and beautiful anymore and how sad that is.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
2 deaths and an anniversary.. and then God
The uncertainty and fragility of life is really sinking to the pit of my stomach. I feel so weighted.
Uncertainty and fragility are both things you cannot hold in the cup of your hands. They are both things you cannot hold even if you spread your fingers apart as far as possible and tried to grasp or squeeze. Do you know how scary it is when you cannot hold on to something? It's very scary. It's like not being able to reach for a grip when falling off a cliff. It's like losing hold of a 3-month old baby and watching it drop to the floor, it's like not being able to hold an aeroplane down from taking off, it's like not being able to catch someone's breath in your palm and keep it for another day so they'd live longer. It's like a sudden mistake and it's like being out of control. Freak accident.
When we hear that so and so has passed, our trained natural response is, 'oh that's so sad'. And we say that because we know at the back of our minds that it really is sad. Losing a life is not something capable of not being sad about (sorry for the double negative). But do we really know what it feels like? To face the reality of living with a death? I don't know. Does it make it better if it was expected? I don't know either. I think the pain is just different but not necessarily less.
Waiting for a sick person to die is very much like waiting for anything imminent in life to happen. You live in prescience. Maybe you wake up everyday knowing at the back of your mind that this might be the last day with the person, or knowing that the end is drawing near. You do normal everyday things like eat, sleep, work but you keep reminding yourself that one day, soon, the person isn't going to be there to do all these things with you. You think all these thoughts maybe you prepare yourself for the time you know will come. But when it does come, it's like some nightmare came true. Like all those dull antecedent thoughts stored at the back of your head and heart for the rainy day are now realities you actually have to deal with. Isn't that scary?
Having so many deaths surround me at the time he is preparing to leave, leaves me with the very morbid temptation of drawing parallels between the two phenomenon - leaving and dying. Waiting for someone to die, waiting for someone to leave. The thought process is quite the same. The sense of foreboding imminence is the same, albeit less tragic. The element of preparation, of bracing. The rude shock of all you've been contemplating being effected into real life. It is very much the same. And it is a very sadistic parallelism that I really do not want to make. But the idea of death engulfs my mind now and I cannot help myself.
I am afraid that my obsession with being mentally and emotionally prepared for everything bad will be my downfall. It's really quite a rude awakening when all these thoughts you've been storing start to be realized in real life. It's like how when you constantly dream about getting a tad too many Bs in your A levels and the freakish results really happen. It's like. Omg I can't believe this is actually happening, help.
My mind is really my greatest battlefield.
#
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink;
nor about your body, what you will put on.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns;
yet Your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not of more value than they?....
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
Will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."
- Matthew 6:25-33
"I will lift my eyes unto to the hills -
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord
Who made heaven and earth."
- Psalm 121:1
I exalt you Lord, over my thoughts and heart.
Uncertainty and fragility are both things you cannot hold in the cup of your hands. They are both things you cannot hold even if you spread your fingers apart as far as possible and tried to grasp or squeeze. Do you know how scary it is when you cannot hold on to something? It's very scary. It's like not being able to reach for a grip when falling off a cliff. It's like losing hold of a 3-month old baby and watching it drop to the floor, it's like not being able to hold an aeroplane down from taking off, it's like not being able to catch someone's breath in your palm and keep it for another day so they'd live longer. It's like a sudden mistake and it's like being out of control. Freak accident.
When we hear that so and so has passed, our trained natural response is, 'oh that's so sad'. And we say that because we know at the back of our minds that it really is sad. Losing a life is not something capable of not being sad about (sorry for the double negative). But do we really know what it feels like? To face the reality of living with a death? I don't know. Does it make it better if it was expected? I don't know either. I think the pain is just different but not necessarily less.
Waiting for a sick person to die is very much like waiting for anything imminent in life to happen. You live in prescience. Maybe you wake up everyday knowing at the back of your mind that this might be the last day with the person, or knowing that the end is drawing near. You do normal everyday things like eat, sleep, work but you keep reminding yourself that one day, soon, the person isn't going to be there to do all these things with you. You think all these thoughts maybe you prepare yourself for the time you know will come. But when it does come, it's like some nightmare came true. Like all those dull antecedent thoughts stored at the back of your head and heart for the rainy day are now realities you actually have to deal with. Isn't that scary?
Having so many deaths surround me at the time he is preparing to leave, leaves me with the very morbid temptation of drawing parallels between the two phenomenon - leaving and dying. Waiting for someone to die, waiting for someone to leave. The thought process is quite the same. The sense of foreboding imminence is the same, albeit less tragic. The element of preparation, of bracing. The rude shock of all you've been contemplating being effected into real life. It is very much the same. And it is a very sadistic parallelism that I really do not want to make. But the idea of death engulfs my mind now and I cannot help myself.
I am afraid that my obsession with being mentally and emotionally prepared for everything bad will be my downfall. It's really quite a rude awakening when all these thoughts you've been storing start to be realized in real life. It's like how when you constantly dream about getting a tad too many Bs in your A levels and the freakish results really happen. It's like. Omg I can't believe this is actually happening, help.
My mind is really my greatest battlefield.
#
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink;
nor about your body, what you will put on.
Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns;
yet Your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not of more value than they?....
Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven,
Will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."
- Matthew 6:25-33
"I will lift my eyes unto to the hills -
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord
Who made heaven and earth."
- Psalm 121:1
I exalt you Lord, over my thoughts and heart.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
change and the time machine
So I'll be in Belgium for 1 whole year!
It's amazing how this year is such a year of change. First I thought I'd only have to deal with Sheng leaving and the prospect of a 6 year long distance relationship. Looks like I didn't really put the reality of me leaving as well in the forefront of my mind. But now that the exchange results are out, I am forced to contemplate my life very much in the future tense.
I was thinking back on my days in PL and how everything was so straight forward. My biggest stresses were well, O levels. And which JC i was going to go to. I had my friends, school, church, parents, teenage angst, teachers etc. Everything was safe and cosy, ensconced within the arms of loving Singapore. Life was peachy. But now, everything and everyone is slipping through the cracks between my fingers. Half of my friends are halfway around the world. Sheng is going away and so am I. Everyone is just flying away, like strands of Claire's fur. But I suppose that's the entire essence of being 20/21. I will never have life like this ever in my life - with futures uncertain, yet so bright, with the opportunity to see the world and with life being one whirlwind of volatile movement. How enrapturing.
I find myself constantly living in the future now. I think of things like, in 1 month Sheng will have started school in Sydney, in 8 months, I will be leaving for Belgium, 1 year from now, I will be in the dead of winter in Belgium, 4 months from now, I might be doing an internship, 5 months from now, Sheng would have finished 1 semester of medical school and will be back, 2 years from now, I might be making a decision about marriage, 2 years from now, I will also be practicing etcetera.
How do you plant yourself in the present when the bulk of your life lies in the future? Yet there are so many things to do in the present. Like reading non-charitable purpose trusts and the Wee Chong Jin Commission and decide if I want to apply for internship and accept my exchange offer and research for LCS and think about Public Law Assignment. (!!)
My heart feels laden. Not particularly stressed or overwhelmed. Ok maybe you could say overwhelmed. But it feels like, plunging a porous sponge into water and then lifting it out of the water while trying to retain all the water in the sponge holes. The lifting the sponge out of water part feels like my heart to me. Just heavy and filled. Filled with lots of things. Uncertainty, fear, worry, excitement, joy, mainly just uncertainty.
I think it is interesting how uncertainty can fill you so much when it in itself is an element of nothingness. Being uncertain is knowing nothing but yet being uncertain engulfs your entire mind. I need God.
It's amazing how this year is such a year of change. First I thought I'd only have to deal with Sheng leaving and the prospect of a 6 year long distance relationship. Looks like I didn't really put the reality of me leaving as well in the forefront of my mind. But now that the exchange results are out, I am forced to contemplate my life very much in the future tense.
I was thinking back on my days in PL and how everything was so straight forward. My biggest stresses were well, O levels. And which JC i was going to go to. I had my friends, school, church, parents, teenage angst, teachers etc. Everything was safe and cosy, ensconced within the arms of loving Singapore. Life was peachy. But now, everything and everyone is slipping through the cracks between my fingers. Half of my friends are halfway around the world. Sheng is going away and so am I. Everyone is just flying away, like strands of Claire's fur. But I suppose that's the entire essence of being 20/21. I will never have life like this ever in my life - with futures uncertain, yet so bright, with the opportunity to see the world and with life being one whirlwind of volatile movement. How enrapturing.
I find myself constantly living in the future now. I think of things like, in 1 month Sheng will have started school in Sydney, in 8 months, I will be leaving for Belgium, 1 year from now, I will be in the dead of winter in Belgium, 4 months from now, I might be doing an internship, 5 months from now, Sheng would have finished 1 semester of medical school and will be back, 2 years from now, I might be making a decision about marriage, 2 years from now, I will also be practicing etcetera.
How do you plant yourself in the present when the bulk of your life lies in the future? Yet there are so many things to do in the present. Like reading non-charitable purpose trusts and the Wee Chong Jin Commission and decide if I want to apply for internship and accept my exchange offer and research for LCS and think about Public Law Assignment. (!!)
My heart feels laden. Not particularly stressed or overwhelmed. Ok maybe you could say overwhelmed. But it feels like, plunging a porous sponge into water and then lifting it out of the water while trying to retain all the water in the sponge holes. The lifting the sponge out of water part feels like my heart to me. Just heavy and filled. Filled with lots of things. Uncertainty, fear, worry, excitement, joy, mainly just uncertainty.
I think it is interesting how uncertainty can fill you so much when it in itself is an element of nothingness. Being uncertain is knowing nothing but yet being uncertain engulfs your entire mind. I need God.
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